Tonight I thought that I would do something light-hearted, and what's more light-hearted than those harmless yet oh-so-addicting Buzzfeed Quizzes?
Here's a link if you'd like to follow along:
http://www.buzzfeed.com/daves4/the-15-hardest-would-you-rather-questions-you-will-ever-be-a#.mcyPDZWv0
1. Easy. I'd rather be 4'5" than 7'7". First of all, shorter people live longer (something about the heart not having to work as hard to pump blood throughout your body). Second of all, being tall would cause me to stand out, which is an introvert's nightmare. Plus, I could play in little kid areas (that climbing area in Galaxyland at West Edmonton Mall, anyone?) and hide in small spaces (I like small spaces). So, easy. So far your title is misleading, buzzfeed.
Sidenote: How can an answer of "would you rather" be WRONG? Not cool, buzzfeed.
2. This one is harder. Fine, buzzfeed, maybe you were just easing me in. Even though it's freaky, I'm going with I'd rather have fingers as long as my legs than legs as long as my fingers. Yes, this one is tough. On one hand, how would I play piano? How would I type? How would I write? But I suppose I would get used to it. On the other hand, short legs would be tough because I wouldn't be able to get around very easily or reach anything. Plus, maybe I could do cool things with long fingers, like finally be able to reach the tallest cupboards in my giant kitchen.
3. Easy again. I would rather fly slowly than run quickly. Who doesn't want to fly? Sure, I might hover a bit slowly, but I would be in the air. I could hide on rooftops and treetops or just chill on the top of a mountain all day. Crossing the road would be easy. I wouldn't have to worry about slipping on ice or climbing over each snowbanks. Super running speed would just give me issues like possible collisions.
4. Well, this is a weird question, but I would never want to sweat mayo. How messy would that be? At least pooping out a softball would allow me to suffer alone momentarily. Plus, hopefully the "soft" in "softball" isn't misleading.
5. Awkward. I have no idea who Jar Jar Binks is. However, I googled him and he's an ugly thing. His voice is also horrific. However, fortunately, I can hear what he's doing to screw up his voice and make it that unpleasant. On that note, I'll take his voice. I'll just re-train myself to talk normally. At least I've gotten something from two years of a BMus!
6. I'd rather have a dragon than be a dragon. Sure, it would be cool to fly and breathe fire an whatever the heck else goes with being a dragon. However, I like being a person, and having a dragon gives me many of the same benefits (riding a dragon, asking your dragon to breathe fire... why would I need it to breathe fire anyway? "Dragon, please incinerate my ex."). Thus, a pet dragon is clearly the way to go here.
7. I would rather be sexually attracted to fruit than have permanent cheetos dust on my fingers. That would drive me crazy! It would get on everything, it would smell, and it would feel awful. Plus, I hate the colour orange. Gross. I'll take a sexual attraction to fruit. I'm already in love with fruit. Let's take it to the next level.
Sidenote: Is whoever made this quiz under ten years old? Fruit is not gross!
8. I would so much rather never have to worry about money than live in a world of pokemon. Those things are creepy and boring. Plus, I'm a university student: enough said.
Sidenote: Whoever said that choosing money was the wrong answer is dumb as a brick. If it were Harry Potter world or something, I might be tempted. As it is, definitely not.
9. I would rather be the best racquetball player in the world than find $65 on the street. If I were the best in a sport, I'm pretty sure I could make way more than that, thank you.
Sidenote: The maker of this quiz has now reached infinite levels of stupidity.
10. I think I would rather be able to talk to animals than speak any language fluently. This one was really tough, but I could actually learn other languages. Learning animal languages isn't really achievable without outside help. I'd love to talk to them... here's hoping that they have something interesting to say.
11. I would rather not have sex with a goat and have everyone think I did than actually have sex with a goat without anyone finding out. I mean, why would I want to have sex with a goat? As for people, whatever they believe is their problem, not mine. If they don't believe me when I tell them that I most certainly did not have sex with a goat (who would do that?!), then that's their problem.
Sidenote: Dumb. As. A. Brick. (And far too concerned about the opinions of others)
12. This is a hard one because I would rather whisper in a way. I like my privacy, you know? But that's so bad for your vocal folds. On that note, I'm going to go with shouting. Plus, there's nothing more frustrating than not being heard, you know? Plus, I can shout healthily.
Sidenote: Well, SOMEONE is going to end up voiceless very soon. Clearly this creator has no idea of how bad whispering is for you.
13. I'd rather eat a pinecone than poop a pinecone (though, technically, wouldn't eating it cause me to poop it out eventually anyway? Just saying). If it were a whole pinecone, I'm anticipating pain and perhaps some internal damage. Eating it sound doable, especially in small pieces. Heck, I'm vegetarian. I'm close to eating pinecones anyway (that was a joke - seriously, vegetarianism is great).
14. Okay... this one is really weird and difficult. However, I'm going to go with not being able to tell the difference between a muffin and a baby (which is really impossible). I just won't eat muffins anymore, because eating a baby by accident would be unfortunate. Changing gender all the time would be inconvenient. I like being a woman, anyway!
15. Oh God. This is a horrible question. I'd rather watch my parents have sex every day for the rest of my life than join in with them. That is just wrong on so many levels. God. Gross. No. No no no. Watching every day would be like just watching some sort of a romance film, right? Maybe? Both are horrible options, but no way would I ever join in. No no no no no.
Hope you all had fun!
-Laura
Well, I've taken the test. And I'm ashamed at some of my answers.
ReplyDeleteI agree with you on the first three. When it comes to the softball, I don't think that it's physically possible to poop it out, and so I'd instead sweat mayonnaise, as terrible as that would be. Only because I'd die if I didn't!
For number five, I agree with you. However, I'm ashamed that you don't know who Jar-Jar is! Even I know who he is and I've only watched star wars once.
I agree with six, and after much consideration seven as well. For number eight, I do want to say not to anger the Pokemon lovers. They are a proud and dangerous foe, and will destroy us if we insult them.
For number nine, I'm going to defend the poor quiz maker. I don't want to be a raquetball player! If I was the best in the world, then that skill would quickly fade without practice and then I'd feel ashamed. So I'll take my 65 bucks.
Number ten is obvious. Number eleven is when I start to feel ashamed.
I know that we shouldn't care what people think about us, but bestiality is rather looked down upon in our culture. I have a feeling that my relationship would be severely strained with everyone I knew if they thought I got it on with a goat. So unfortunately, I'd choose actually doing it. In my defence, I don't think that it's actual possible to go too far with a goat... Is it?
For twelve, I'd whisper. How could whispering hurt your voice?
For thirteen, I'd agree. For number fourteen, I'll disagree with you again and change gender every time I sneezed. I could just carry around pepper in my pocket to remedy the situation when I changed into a girl! Besides, it might be interesting to be a girl for a day. Not that I want to at present, but... You know.
For fifteen, I'm obviously conflicted. In the end, (please don't kill me) it came down to time management. If I had to sit awkwardly in a chair for half an hour every day, how would I get anything done?
I'm ruining my reputation right now, I know. But I could just hop in, hop out, couldn't I? Maybe...?
There. Be disturbed, world.
But pooping a softball would be momentary pain! Sweating mayonnaise would be FOREVER. So much laundry. So much grossness! You'd have to wash your hair ALL THE TIME.
ReplyDeleteWell, I don't think I've ever gotten through all of the Star Wars movies (sorry to offend your Star Wars lovers... sort of. I hate them.).
You want to live in Pokemon land??
But Mark... you could make so much money if you were already the best in a sport. All you'd need to do is practice!
MARK, NO! No screwing a goat! Gross. Ew. I will never think of you the same way. Besides, if people are dumb enough to believe you screwed a goat, do you really want their respect and friendship? They don't really matter.
Well, my poor, uninformed brother, when you whisper, air is rushing past your vocal folds quickly without full closure. It also causes increased tension. It's really bad for your vocal folds over a long period of time. Shouting in a supported manner would be much better for your vocal health!
I am ashamed of you and will never be able to face you again after your answer for number 15. God, God, God.
I knew I shouldn't have posted that!
ReplyDeleteBut to be fair, the article explicitly said that everyone would believe that you screwed a goat, and I believe that that means forever. Besides, do you have something against people with sexual attraction to animals? This is an accepting, tolerant blog, Laura!