What I Would Do if I Played Airsoft

Note; I wrote this exhausted and with a pounding headache. I tried to make it somewhat readable, but do forgive a drop in quality. Thanks,

-Mark

Airsoft: a sport where you're shot with plastic pellets travelling at 350 feet per second, which hit with enough power to draw blood. Sounds like fun, eh?

I have a friend which we'll call Randy. Now, I've always thought Randy to be a fairly timid guy when it comes to pain and injuries. Nothing against him, but if he falls heavily on his leg he'll get up, walk himself over to a bench, poke and prod his leg, and anxiously ask if it's broken. Sure, it's good to take precautions, but he's always been very rigidly set in playing it safe.

Bearing that in mind, I was surprised when he called me up two days ago to play a round of Airsoft with him. It's a simple enough game- you grab yourself an extremely realistic looking gun, load it up, divide into teams, and blast the hell out of your opponents. If you're hit anywhere, even your pinkie, you yell "hit!" and are proclaimed dead.

Neither of us had ever played previously. I played paintball, once, but that was years ago. So we were both excited and perhaps a little bit anxious driving to the place.

We went to a place called Capital Airsoft here in Edmonton, which boasts 24000 square feet of rooms filled with walls, fences and crannies which you can hide yourself behind. Upon arrival we were quickly suited up with a gun and helmet, told we were the only ones there at that time, and sent off to shoot each other.

We started off slow, setting down the rules, picking our starting points, and then eventually going out into the labyrinth without any clear idea as to where the other was. I think he found me first. Bang! Bang! A horde of pellets came at me, all missing. I fired back. He continued. For probably ten minutes, we crept around corners, shooting crack shots off every once in awhile.

Eventually, we found ourselves at opposite ends of a large room. I started creeping forward, shooting random shots to keep his head down as I did so. Then, once I was maybe ten meters away, I jumped from behind cover, gun blazing, running towards him! I slid right beside him, shooting as I went. He yelled "hit!" right as one of his bullets pinged off my helmet. Because I hit him first, my point.

At that point we took a break, to see that he'd already developed a small, purple welt on his arm. For a minute, we just stared at it in amazement. Then, of course, we laughed and headed in.

For the next five hours this continued. He got me the next round when I barrelled around a corner into the barrel of his gun. His shot also hit my arm, this time drawing a bit of blood.

The actual hits were, though, extremely few and far between. In five and a half hours, at least three of which we were actively trying to kill each other as opposed to shooting targets or cooling down, I shot him four times and he shot me three. Five and a half hours of shooting this things at each other, and not once did anyone else come to the facility. We had it all to ourselves.

The description above barely scratches the surface of what our experience was like, however. Therefore I'll try again here, and maybe I can give you a better picture.

You know how when your extremely focused on an activity, your said to be in "The Zone?" With Airsoft, I felt myself becoming laser-focused as soon as I stepped into the arena. You become aware of your footsteps, of your breathing. Your heart pounds. Your eyes constantly scan for any breath of movement. Your hand rests on the trigger as sweat pools on your neck.

Playing Airsoft, I started to feel almost like an actual soldier. I can almost hear my sisters laughing at that, thinking their little brother stupid for thinking a little game is all cool and heroic, but truly I did. Of course, this was on a much lesser scale, but... the paranoia of someone being able to take you out at any time, the stress, even the fear... it was intense.I couldn't help but wonder if actual soldiers had similar feelings.

Assuming that they do, I have even more respect for them now then I did before. Me and Randy were able to stop whenever we wanted. If we couldn't take those breaks, and had to live with those feelings for days or weeks at a time, then I would have been driven half mad. That's with it being a game, too. Actual life-or-death would have those feelings multiplied by 100.

There was one point when, sitting crouched in my corner, I thought to myself how terrifying it would be an Airsoft grenade rolled into the room. Those things shoot pellets every which way, and would be next to impossible to escape. Then the thought of an actual grenade rolling in came into my head. This of course muddled it completely and so I quickly stopped thinking about it, but... man. Would a soldier panic? Would they have an automative response to do something about it, being so focused that he or she wouldn't have these normal feelings? Or would there just be a feeling of hopelessness, of resignation to your fate? It's impossible to say.

Overall, Airsoft was a fun, intense, and surprisingly thought-provoking experience. I'd definitely go again- if I can get the money, that is!

Now, though, I'm mentally and physically drained. I want to nurse my throbbing headache and go to bed. So... g'night!

Thanks for reading,

-Mark

What I Would Do If I Deeply Analyzed Green Day's "She"

There was no post Wednesday!

Really, that’s my fault. Laura’s laptop is currently being serviced, and won’t be back for another week or two. Let’s all pray that all her data isn’t erased during servicing, as that would be… Jesus, that would be terrible.
Because of that inconvenience it’s really my job to post everyday until she gets it back, which I didn’t Wednesday. I’d like to pass it off as Laura missing her post and me kindly not punishing her, but that’s your call, Laura. Punish me if you will. Perhaps you’d feel better about your punishments if I was doing one too.
Just before we begin, I'd also like to quickly make some alterations to my Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy punishment. It's come to my attention that Laura hates most Sci-Fi, and so if she reads the first five chapters and really hates it then I'll change the punishment.

But let's be honest; punishments aren't all that fun to discuss. Instead, let's talk about something that is... Green Day!
Most members of my family seem to think that Green Day is just a lot of noise, with no real message behind their songs. Today, I prove them wrong. I've selected the Green Day song "She" to be analyzed, so that the world will know just how meaningful Green Day's songs can be.
To start us off, why don't you give the song a listen while reading the lyrics down below;

She

She… she screams in silence
A sully riot penetrating through her mind
Wait… wait for a sign to smash the silence with the brick of self control

(Chorus)
Are you locked up in a world that’s been planned out for you?
Are you feeling like a social tool without a use?
Scream at me until my ears bleed
I’m taking heed just for you

She… she’s figured out
That all her doubts were someone else’s point of view
Waking up this time
To smash the silence with the brick of self control

Chorus x2

What the lyrics lack in length they make up for in meaning.
Although my interpretation may be far from the truth, me not having looked up anyones opinions directly prior to writing this post, I think that I've got a fairly clear picture of the song's message. I believe that She is about someone who’s strongly influenced by those around her, by those who would tell her how to run her life. She vents these frustrations to the narrator, who seems to be the only one willing to listen. Over the course of the song, however, she comes to realize her problem and decides to take control of her life.
Let’s break it down verse by verse, shall we?

She… she screams in silence
A sully riot penetrating through her mind
Wait… wait for a sign
To smash the silence with the brick of self control

The first two lines get right to the point, telling he listener of the frustration of the girl. She screams in agony internally, but lets no one see her pain. Her mind is in turmoil, she can’t think straight- there’s a riot in her brain. The next two lines are a little more cryptic, although I think I can manage them. They tell us that she wants to take control of her life, but she’s not letting herself- she’s waiting for the right moment, a "sign" which may never come. She feels that once she's in control of her thoughts and feelings, then she can protest against those who would do her wrong.

Are you locked up in a world that’s been planned out for you?
Are you feeling like a social tool without a use?
Scream at me until my ears bleed
I’m taking heed just for you

Here we find the root of her problem; she feels that other people are running her life. Perhaps she has demanding or ambitious parents, perhaps she feels peer pressure to do things she doesn’t want to do. Whatever the case she finds herself in a scenario she doesn’t want to be in, but doesn’t think she can get out of it.
The last two lines of this verse are also interesting. Another character is introduced, the narrator. The girl is confiding in him, and he tries to help her. She's leaning on him for support, but she's putting too much responsibility on his shoulders and he's beginning to crack and strain under the pressure. Perhaps at this point she realizes that she'll have to face her problems, and so we go to the next verse...

She… She’s figured out
That all her doubts were someone else’s point of view
Waking up this time
To smash the silence with the brick of self control

Here we have the last non-chorus lyrics, which give us a glimmer of hope.
She’s "figured out that all her doubts were someone else’s point of view-" perhaps she was bullied, people didn’t believe in her. Now, though, she’s learned to get past this and choose for herself if she’s good enough, screw what other’s think.

This is communicated in the third line. Instead of waiting for the perfect moment to break free from these people like she was in the first verse, she’s decided to just go ahead and do so. She’s waking up with the intention of telling those who would hold her down and direct her life that she is her own person who cannot and will not be told what do.

Take that, haters who think Green Day isn't deep!
Almost all of Green Day’s songs have a deeper message then you'd think. Most people don't see it, thrown off by the banging and the unclear words- but if you persist and really listen, you'll see it every time.
I’ve enjoyed that little analysis- I hope you did too, because it’d be a good bet that there’ll be more song analysis’s (that grammar is for sure off) in the future!

Thanks for reading,

-Mark

What I Would Do if I Flew Back to Edmonton

I'd be really, super-duper tired.

Thanks for understanding,

-Mark

What I Would Do if I Thought of Another Punishment

You've got a lot of work to do, Laura.
Before you get around to this punishment, I know that you have three more. Just remember, this blog is a partnership, and I've been holding up my end pretty well while you've slacked a bit. You agreed to do this, and I for one would be majorly ticked if you didn't complete your punishments.
Now on to your new one!
Your task; read the first Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy. It's off the wall, quirky, but also pretty damn funny. Now go forth and read! A book report will be due by December 1'st, which gives you plenty of time to do your other punishments.

Thanks for reading,

-Mark

What I Would do if I Watched "Sad, Sad Larry" by Cyanide & Happiness

Warning: if anyone besides a robot is watching this, you may find it triggering (if you dislike violence, references to suicide, sexual references, etc.)

Well, this one is a bit of a surprise, to be frank.

I started watching this video and started to feel very sad. Poor, Larry. As someone who has struggled and continues to struggle with depression, I could very much empathize with Larry and his situation. I could even empathize with his smile as he fell to his death...

...until he didn't.

And that's when I started laughing.

Really, this sums up depression perfectly. Maybe not with suicide attempts, but sometimes it seems like your life is like this or will be like this if you get out of bed.

But I personally loved how it went from slightly triggering to just hilariously misfortunate. This should really be called "poor, poor Larry"; the guy just couldn't catch a break. The irony had me snickering through most of it.

Perhaps I'm odd to be amused by it when depression and suicide isn't funny at all, but sometimes I just find that you need to find the humour in the worst situations just to make them better. It's better than crying, right? I could just be a special case, though. Still, I guess the fact that it wasn't making mockery of depression helped to make it more likeable for me.

So, thanks, Cyanide & Happiness for the laugh!

-Laura

What I Would Do if Laura Owed Me Another Punishment

Oh, Laura. Laura Laura Laura Laura Laura. I know see why you hired me as a co-author.
You owe me a lot of punishments, sis. I thought, just for the sake of keeping track of all of them, I'd list them all here for you to have in one place. We wouldn't want you forgetting about any of them, now would we?

1. Finish Paper Towns by September 1'st, or I'm not doing the vegetarianism punishment, which I believe is the only one I still owe you. This one's been out there for months, so it's high time you did your bit.
2. Listen to a bunch more Green Day tunes, as outlined here
3. Watch Vlogbrothers videos, as listed here
4. Yet to be decided
5. Yet to be decided

I've faithfully done my punishment. Shitty opera? Check. Read The Thief Lord? Check. Sing for you? Debatable, but you heard me at my recital and when I practiced, so I'll call it check. Vegetarianism for a month? You gave me until I turned 20, which gives me plenty of time to complete the punishment.
In other words... Catch up, sis!
Oh, and happy flying tonight! I await our reunion tomorrow.

Thanks for reading,

-Mark

What I Would Do if Laura Missed Two Posts

When Laura sees this, she might be relieved. I've just got a text from her saying that she's not up for posting tonight, which leaves myself the only other person ready to do so. I told her that I was too tired to cover, but of course I cracked and here I am again.
On the other hand, Laura will probably be filled with dread when she sees the title of this post. You see, she owes me two punishments (plus that Green Day punishment I assigned awhile back), and today she'll have to face the music.
Laura, you've heard me talk about John Green incessantly. You will have read my posts where I gush about him (If not, those are three posts right there). Somewhere through all of this, you will have heard me talk about the Vlogbrothers.
For those uneducated brutes among you who don't know, one of the best YYoutube channels out there is called the Vlogbrothers. The two brothers in question, John and Hank Green, are professional awesome people. I should know. I probably watch two hours of YouTube a day, and the Vlogbrothers are still my favourite channel.
Out of all the successful channels on YouTube, the Vlogbros are probably the most active in the real world. They started Vidcon, helped create educational videos which are being shown in schools, and created the Project for Awesome which has donated over a million to charity. Most importantly, though, their videos encourage kindest and compassion in everyone. The Vlogbrothers are made of awesome.
Indeed, a large part of the reason I wanted to work on this blog with you was because it reminded me in some way of the Vlogbrothers. Heck, I even stole the "punishments" idea from them.
So, this isn't even a real punishment. Think of it as me giving you the gift of the Vlogbrothers. Now go forth, and watch...

How To Be a Nerdfighter (A good introductory video)
Nerdfighter Marriage Proposal (Question Tuesday introduction, and a cool video)
Book Eight (Hank Green on the scene with a song. Don't you dare diss his singing, even though I'm sure his technique sucks. This performance of the song was when he was at Carnegie hall, so...)
Perspective (More philosophical video)
Who I Was in High School (Similar)
North Korea Explained (They also explain shit)
Giving Away over $700 000
51 Jokes (in Four Minutes) (To end off on a funny note)

There, I think that'll be sufficient for now. If you haven't fallen in love with the Vlogbrothers yet, then... you have no soul. They're just such wonderful people.
I'll leave you in suspense as to what your next punishment will be!

Thanks for reading,

-Mark

Finished at 1:35 AM. I told you I was tired before, but I lied. Now I know what it's really like to be tired. Freaking links...

A Change of View on Storytelling

Looking back on my earliest attempts at writing, I notice two things.
The first, painfully obvious truth is that the writing is shit. Shut up, you! It has improved. Otherwise I wouldn't realize how terrible it was.
The second thing which I've realized much more recently is this; I've always written my stories for the sake of telling a story.
Sure, there's nothing wrong with that. Entertaining people is a noble enough cause- but after reading Will Grayson Will Grayson and reflecting on some of my favourite stories, I've made some observations.
All of my favourite stories are those that, through fiction, shed some light on the real world and it's issues. Paper Towns teaches the importance of imagining others complexly, as opposed to seeing them at surface level. Most of John Green's books show the importance of taking risks and living life to the fullest. The Little Prince teaches dozens of lessons about what's important in life. The Thief Lord shows the value of friendship.
Considering all of this, I've been thinking that the number one thing that I could do to improve my stories right now would be focusing more on theme rather then on story. Instead of focusing on the story first and maybe a half-baked message thrown in once in awhile as I've done before, I'll try to focus on the theme and have the story build around that.
I want to explore themes and try to find some deeper meaning in the world around me. To talk about mis-imagining others, to talk about the importance of meaningful relationships. The problem is, I have no idea how to weave a story around that.
Thus, I'll be let stranded for a little while longer in the storytelling world. I'll work on it, don't worry.
Until that day when a brilliant idea that will solve all my problems and make the world become covered in rainbows and puppies and kittens and marshmallows just happens to wander into my head, I'll be here.

Thanks for reading,

-Mark

What I Would Do if Laura Was Here

Note; click to read a post with a similar theme, What I Would Do if my Sisters were Here Now

I'm lonely, damn it! My friends are in Edmonton, my sisters are in Edmonton, and now my dad is too. I'm left stranded here in New Brunswick.
The one ray of sunshine in my life in that respect is the knowledge that in just a few days, Laura will join me in this hellhole of angst and isolation and may be able to drag me out of my chasm of misery. This is what we're going to do the minute she walks in;

1. Swim, swim, swim. Swim swim. Swim.
2. I'm going to teach her some of the basics of archery, now that I actually know them.
3. We'll canoe, sail, and do all sorts of water-related activities.
4. We'll rappel down some rocks and quite possibly die.
5. We'll have dozens of writing parties. Maybe if I actually spend some time at writing blog posts, they'll be good.
6. Most nights will be spent talking about deep matters and sharing our angst. Almost every deep conversation I've had with my sisters has taken place late at night when we're too tired to have a filter.

Once she comes, I cling to the hope that the world will be bright and rosy once more.

Thanks for reading,

-Mark

PS: That's our 250'th post! Yay!

What I Would Do if I Met John Green

My love of reading has been, after that insane rambley post last time, rekindled.

It's John Green to the rescue once again.

My love for John Green is insatiable, so much so that I mention him in every other post on this blog. I love his YouTube channel with his brother, I love his books, and I love the charity work he does.

Now that I've read Will Grayson Will Grayson, I have one more reason to love him (and David Levithan, for that matter).

There's a simple reason people love John's novels; he treats all his characters as complex, three dimensional characters. You get to see every side of every character he writes. With Will Grayson, Will Grayson, he topped everything I've seen him do before. 

I love every single character in this book. I see myself in Tiny, and Will Grayson #1. I see a small part of myself in Jane, and even the other Will Grayson. All of these characters are supremely relatable.

I had to stop reading this book a few times just to think about how much these characters seemed to connect to me, and what lessons I could take from the lessons they learned. This book made me think about my own life, which is what I think ultimately all books should strive for. 5/5 stars, go pick it up at Chapters. Jesus, I love this book.

It's easy to see my boundless admiration for John Green. I'd totally marry this guy if he proposed. To hell with being straight. So what would I do if I ever got a chance to meet him?

1. Of course I'd need a picture. I'd snap so many damn pictures I'd be a one man paparazzi.
2. I'd promptly start blabbering my praises so that it became extremely awkward and the poor man would be embarrassed beyond measure.
3. A few minutes later, I'm sure someone would drag me away before I could finally bring myself to propose.

... Yeah, it wouldn't be good.

Thanks for reading,

-Mark

What I Would do if I Missed a Submission Deadline

This post is more an apology to Mark. Both of us planned to submit a piece of flash fiction to a competition that I believe closed a couple of days ago. While I wrote a piece and edited it to my satisfaction, the unfortunate fact is this:

Over the past week, I have been crazily busy adulting. I have been working, cleaning, grocery shopping, driving, getting coffee with friends and doing some unfortunately social things, scanning documents for applications, etc.

In short, I was so busy with life, that this chance totally slipped my mind (which is why I always use daytimers and sticky notes when my life is neat enough for me to organize).

I'm sorry, Mark! If I find another competition, I'll submit it there. I bet yours will do great!

-Laura

What I Would Do if I was Swimming in Books

Warning; this post was hastily written, created with neither purpose nor enthusiasm, and not edited at all. I'm sorry; it starts to disintegrate towards the end. I might edit it, though,,, someday. :)

When I was younger, I read a lot of books. A lot of books. 

I have a bookcase full of em' back at home, and every time I look at it I'm surprised at how many I've read.  Series, standalones, classics, bestsellers... there's quite a list there.

Then. in recent years, that number started to slow considerably. I try to blame YouTube and Minecraft, but in the end I know that it's up to me to read.

I don't really know why my reading productivity has slowed- I still really enjoy reading, and I now feel more motivated to read then ever due to the knowledge that reading helps writing. Perhaps it's the cost to it all, or that it's quicker to start a game then to settle into a book, easier to pause a game then be jolted out of a world. It could be anything, really. I just wish I knew what. 

That said, this past week or two I've been finding myself reading more and more. Perhaps it's because of The Thief Lord, which I really enjoyed reading. Maybe I'm just bored. No matter the reason, a sudden urge to read led me to buy two new books at the bookstore. The problem is, now I'm swimming in them.

Before this trip, I already had Horatio Hornblower and The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy #2-4 already purchased. I'd just finished reading the first Guide, and so was set to continue on when I popped into the bookstore with too much money and couldn't help myself. 

The novel that I've really been wanting to get for the last little while is Will Grayson Will Grayson, by David Leviathan and John Green. You may recall that John Green is my one and only man-crush, so naturally I had to buy his novel. Once that one's read, I'll have finished every John Green novel available- unless you count the collaboration short-story collection Let it Snow or that one he wrote for NaNoWriMo, ZombieCorns. Which I do, because John Green for life.

So far, Will Grayson Will Grayson has been really good- I'm only 100 pages in, and I really don't want to be writing at the moment. I want to be reading Will Grayson, damn it! 

The other book I purchased was Writing Tools. Man, I hate to say that. Now you're going to be scrutinizing this post. I can hear you sneering "must be a shitty book, then!" My only defence is that I'm writing this at 11:46, and I just want to sleep, damn it. Writing tool #38; when you can't think of anything good to say, just insert a few swears to take your reader's mind off the shitty quality of your work, damn it!

So now, I find myself with four books to read and I really want to read them but to do that I need to rest so I need to sleep so I need to finish the post damn it damn itfuckfuckshittyassfuck-me-in-my-shitty-ass-oh-god-hope-mum-doesn't-find-thisshitdamnnuierwnsiuvebnvijnerwuisvnuewisbvuiesnbvjksenjkvn eriusfhieoruwfnerhqafiouHGUYBuBuyBuyBuykbjBfCersfYIgIBH gCtuBJHbGHvgfYUgibJvgcFGChVGHVGHBOBhkuVTUVUIVbUHBkBHJVGHJVGUBYHGYUBUSKEGBNIUHEGRS            BFYC ORFIQU4ES BHJDKVE

Thanks for reading, 

-Mark

What I Would do if I Guessed what Casablanca was About from the Trailer

Well, I have to say, as far as trailers go, this was one of the least informative ones I've yet seen. I decided to challenge myself by only allowing myself to watch it once. This is what I got from that viewing:

1. There is a love triangle.
2. There is some political conflict.
3. People want to escape to the United States.
4. There is a lot of shooting, chasing, and armed conflict.
5. There is some sort of obsessive romance.
6. There are some important letters to the female protagonist that she will kill to get back.

Here is what I don't know:
1. When this takes place (although I do know that it was released in 1942).
2. What the actual plot is.

So, here is my best guess.

This lady is trying to escape to the United States because of the second world war. She sounds pretty American, to me, but who knows? Maybe she's German and Jewish. I'm really just guessing that from the actress's last name, though, which really doesn't inform the character. This is literally because I have nothing to go on.

Anyway, she wants to escape, but is having a bit of difficulty because, you know, Vichy France is currently controlling Morocco. Fortunately, she finds this hot guy with a similar goal, and they work at attempting to escape together. Meanwhile, some Vichy France military official has also fallen in love with her. This leads to some issues. Perhaps it would be safer for her to love this officer, because perhaps he can guarantee her safety. Nevertheless, she chooses hot fellow escapee, because true love wins over common sense. Evil officer suspects that she has a lover and steals her letters, only to find that they're not only to her lover; they're also escape plans! Gasp! He confronts her lover, which ends in a shoot-out that both survive, but it initially appears hot escapee dies in. So, anyway, she shoots evil officer to get the letters back, she and lover-boy shoot their way out of Morocco, and sail away to the USA to live happily ever after.

For my next post, I'll see how I did! My guess is not well, but, hey, that trailer gives me very little to go on.

-Laura

What I Would do if I was Travelling with Lewis & Clark

Yo sis, you missed your post. I'll hold back on a punishment for now, although I will whip this punishment out when I least expect it.

Today, me and my dad went on a canoeing trip.

It was nothing too strenuous- paddling down some New Brunswickan... Brunswickian... Brunswicked... 

It was nothing too strenuous- just a leisurely paddle down some river straddling New Brunswick and the USA. The river was fairly calm except for some mild rapids, and the weather was fine. That didn't stop us from having a difficult time. On a forgiving river such as that, we still managed to smack into a solid 50 rocks and beat up the poor canoe we'd rented.

I remember one particularly rough section. As a braced myself for yet another crunching blow against some partially-submerged boulder, I couldn't help but wonder how I'd do paddling alongside the famous explorers, Lewis and Clark...

1. It should be noted right off that bat that in my current condition I'd never be allowed on the trip in the first place. I keep fit, but I'm very confident that nowadays "fit" would be their equivalent of "bale-of-hay potato." They didn't have couches back then, did they?

2. I'm sure that my boat would be the one with all the massive holes in it, judging from my experience today. Luckily, the boats we had were made of strong stuff and probably wouldn't break even if we tried to destroy them. I'm not so sure about the wooden boats of the past.

3. I'd quickly develop a reputation among my fellow paddlers as the weakling. Not only would my fitness be lacklustre, I'd probably refuse to eat most of what the rest of them ate and thus starve.

4. Surely, within a few weeks one of a few things would happen...

A. I'd fall out of my boat and drown.

B. I'd starve.

C. Some bear or snake would catch me.

D. My weak immune system, usually dependent upon medicines to help it recover from disease, would quickly succumb to a lovely ailment. Dysentery or scurvy sounds nice. Maybe some malaria on the side.

E. No one would ever remember my name. People would say in future documentaries about the trip "five of the party quickly succumbed to the elements within the first three weeks of the voyage," and that would be the end of my story.

Thanks for reading,

-Mark

What I Would Do if My Productivity Was Being Sapped by the Very Air around Me and I Wanted to Not Not be Productive Anymore

I'm in New Brunswick. It's summer. My productivity is down the drain.
Do you ever find that, when you go to a place that you're familiar with, a certain feeling descends upon you? For example, when I'm in Canmore I feel like doing things. I write, I read, I enjoy hiking and skiing.
And then there's New Brunswick. Here, it's like as soon as the plane lands I'm drained of all energy.
It's like the very air is a potent energy-draining drug. I'm often bored. I sleep in much too late every day. Most profoundly, I lose interest in things that I usually find fun. I don't write, even if (like this year with the short story I've written) there's a good reason too. I don't enjoy things like archery, canoeing, and swimming as much as I do at other times. I feel more awkward talking to people. I feel sad. With all of these things weighing down on me, I don't feel as confident.
Maybe it's because I don't really have any friends in New Brunswick, or, in recent years, sisters. There's no one within thirty years of my age around, and I feel lonely. That gets me down, so I'm unproductive, and that gets me down, so I'm unproductive...
I feel fulfilled only if I feel that I'm improving myself, and it's as if the opposite happens in New Brunswick.
To counteract this, I thought I'd make a little plan to motivate myself until my sisters come along to cheer me up. I now present to you my

SUPER AMAZING PLAN FOR GETTING SHIT DONE

1. From now on, I want to try to write 1000 words a day. I don't care what about, I just want to get them written.
2. Said many, many authors, "The best guide to writing is reading." Half an hour of reading, every day.
3. For tackling my sleeping habit, I'll force myself to wake up by 8:30 at the latest tomorrow. I'll then winch that number down for five minutes a day, every day, until I'm waking up with the sun.
4. I'll start running again, to keep my body in ship-shape.
5. To save up for a laptop of my own, an item I've been desperately wanting for years now, I'll try to put 20 dollars per week into the bank.
6. Every day, I'll make a plan for productivity the next day.

This leads me onto the...

SUPER AMAZING PLAN FOR GETTING SHIT DONE (tomorrow)
8:30 Wake up, shower, and get dressed.
8:50 Eat a real breakfast
9:00 Jump on the trampoline
9:30 Edit that damn short story one last time. Then send that motherfucker in.
11:00 Write 1000 words.
12:30-9:30 Run with dad, go to town, and chillax. Perhaps read if I can fit the time in.
9:30 Get ready for bed. Completely ready.
10:00 Chillax, play games
10:30 Read
11:00 Sleep

Hah! So there. I'm gonna take you by storm, world.

Thanks for reading,

-Mark

What I Would do if I Invented a New Driving Term

Ah, highway driving. What an adventure you are.

On the positive side, you have alone time in the car for hours, going at a fast pace without stoplights. In other words, you feel like you're going somewhere. You feel invincible, which is ironic considering how many people die in collisions on highways.

You have the speeding truck drivers, who have the "I'm bigger so I'm better" attitude. Both they and the fancy sports-cars will tailgate you, expecting you to go out of your way for them, before passing angrily.

Hence, my new expression: the passing bitch face.

Yes, I've done a lot of highway driving this summer, and I've become well-acquainted with this phenomenon. Someone decides that you're not fast enough. They pass, and as they do, they shoot you a glare, stare you down, once in a while flip you off, or shower you with disdain.

I tried to find a picture as an example, but all I can find show far too friendly people in cars. No, I'm talking about a brief glare, a look that says "I'm going five kilometres faster which makes you the dirt on my shoe".

With any luck, this new term will be a common thing. Make it happen, Russian robots.

-Laura

The Thief Lord: Book Review

Well, you were right, Laura. The Thief Lord is a pretty damn good book. I'm sorry it took me so many years to read it.
Speaking of book punishments, I told you to read Paper Towns months ago. You failed to do so. Therefore, my response is this; you have to read Paper Towns by the end of August, or I'll simply not do one of your punishments. Say... the vegetarianism punishment. And you wouldn't want that, would you? >:)
Anyways. Onto the book.

The Thief Lord hits most of the "good book" stereotypes. The story was reasonably intriguing, the writing was of good quality and, most predominantly in this book, the  characters were likeable. All of these things combined kept me up reading until 2:00AM the night I flew into New Brunswick from Edmonton.
I'll tackle all of the above points in order, although perhaps leaving out the "good quality writing" segment. I can't explain that. Only actually reading the book will do that, and I'll let you do that on your own. The plot, though, I can do.
The Thief Lord follows two young brothers, Prosper and Bo, and their struggles to keep together. Having run away from their aunt, they managed to hike their way into Venice, Italy, where they hope their worries will disappear.
Soon, they're picked up by a gang of other young kids. Living in an abandoned theatre and supplied for by the mysterious Thief Lord, everything seems good and well. Their aunt, though, is out to spoil there fun. Having tracked the boys to Venice, she hires a private detective to find the boys. Throw in a shady thieving job and a magical merry-go-round, and things might not be as jolly for the gang as they'd thought...
There. Gotta end it with the dot dot dot.
The best thing about The Thief Lord, hands down, is the characters presented. We have, in order of my liking for them;

• Victor Getz, the detective. He's just the nicest guy! It doesn't take long for the reader to figure out that he's not the bad guy in this story. From his efforts to aid the kids to his love for his tortoises, you fall in love with Victor very early on.
• Prosper, the older of the two brothers. Prosper is probably the most sensible and cool headed kid in the bunch, with the exception of maybe Hornet. You have to love him for how protective he is of his brother Bo.
• Hornet, the one female in the group of kids. She's basically a female version of Prosper. Sensible and cool-headed like him, she's also one of the more caring members of the group.
• Scipio, or The Thief Lord. The leader of the kids, with a secret.
• Bo, the annoying little brother of Prosper. The polar opposite of his brother, Bo is stupid and annoying. Sorry. I suppose that he is six years old in this story.
• Riccio and Mosca, the other two kids in the gang. I list these guys last 'cause nobody really cares about them. I don't even know who's who. One of them's black. The other has spiky hair. One of them likes to fish. That's all I can tell you.

There are maybe three other important people in this story, but I don't remember their names and/or I don't really care about them. So there.

Combining the above two elements made for a great story, but I felt that the ending dampened my liking for the book some. Leave know if you haven't read the book.

Okay. They're gone.

Now, about that crummy ending. I suppose the place to start my complaints would be the magical merry-go-round.

Here's my problem; we go through the entire book and there's not a single fantasy element. Then, right at the end, this one slaps us in the face.

I like fantasy well enough. The thing is, I want to know that there are fantastical elements to the story early on. In this book, we're sort of given a glimpse of it halfway through the book. Already halfway done. Then, that isn't really developed until the last quarter of the book. By then it seemed out of place, you know?

Then, the kid's antics with the merry-go-round threw me off. Why would Scipio decide to ride on that thing? I know that he wants to be older, to be taken seriously, blah blah blah. It still seems like a stupid thing to do.

Then, they become cruel and turn their enemy into a five year old. That seems like a bit of a bad-guy move to me. Which leads me to my final merry-go-round complaint, which is that they totally could have glued the wing back on once Barbarossa kicked it off. They did it to the other wing, didn't they?

So that spoiled the last bit of the book for me.

Then, I felt as though the ending was a bit unsatisfactory. The gang split up, and they'll never again have the same kind of bond that they did when they were living together in the movie theatre. That's sad to me.

Then- and this is what I'm really angry about- there was no romance at all! I mean, I know that these kids are twelve or whatever, but I was totally expecting something at the end. I was shipping Prosper and Hornet sooooo hard at the end there, and the author didn't even give their relationship a mention. I'm so pissed about that.

And on top of that! I may or may not have looked this up online to find that everyone ships Scipio and Hornet, which wouldn't work at all! GAAAAAH!

...

You know, really, I usually don't get into these ships much. But god I wanted that one!

Still, The Thief Lord was a solid story until things got disappointing at the end. 7.5/10 stars.

Thanks for reading,

-Mark

PS: Now I want to go onto Fanfiction.net or something and write Prosper and Hornet up a scene. No hardcore sex, don't worry. I just want them to have a moment, you know???