What I Would do if I was Travelling with Lewis & Clark

Yo sis, you missed your post. I'll hold back on a punishment for now, although I will whip this punishment out when I least expect it.

Today, me and my dad went on a canoeing trip.

It was nothing too strenuous- paddling down some New Brunswickan... Brunswickian... Brunswicked... 

It was nothing too strenuous- just a leisurely paddle down some river straddling New Brunswick and the USA. The river was fairly calm except for some mild rapids, and the weather was fine. That didn't stop us from having a difficult time. On a forgiving river such as that, we still managed to smack into a solid 50 rocks and beat up the poor canoe we'd rented.

I remember one particularly rough section. As a braced myself for yet another crunching blow against some partially-submerged boulder, I couldn't help but wonder how I'd do paddling alongside the famous explorers, Lewis and Clark...

1. It should be noted right off that bat that in my current condition I'd never be allowed on the trip in the first place. I keep fit, but I'm very confident that nowadays "fit" would be their equivalent of "bale-of-hay potato." They didn't have couches back then, did they?

2. I'm sure that my boat would be the one with all the massive holes in it, judging from my experience today. Luckily, the boats we had were made of strong stuff and probably wouldn't break even if we tried to destroy them. I'm not so sure about the wooden boats of the past.

3. I'd quickly develop a reputation among my fellow paddlers as the weakling. Not only would my fitness be lacklustre, I'd probably refuse to eat most of what the rest of them ate and thus starve.

4. Surely, within a few weeks one of a few things would happen...

A. I'd fall out of my boat and drown.

B. I'd starve.

C. Some bear or snake would catch me.

D. My weak immune system, usually dependent upon medicines to help it recover from disease, would quickly succumb to a lovely ailment. Dysentery or scurvy sounds nice. Maybe some malaria on the side.

E. No one would ever remember my name. People would say in future documentaries about the trip "five of the party quickly succumbed to the elements within the first three weeks of the voyage," and that would be the end of my story.

Thanks for reading,

-Mark