What We Would Do if Laura was Temporarily Indisposed

So Laura's going to be gone for a week or two.
I don't know how much she'll want me to say at this point, but suffice it to say that, at least for a while, it's just me and you.
Meheheheh.
Suffice it to say that she's doing alright, and is unfortunately in a place where the Internet is rather crappy.
So this post is just to give you that little update, and to give me yet another break.
Love you all,

-Mark

What I Would Do if I was Published

So I'm going to be a published writer in a month or two.
Awhile back, I made a post about me submitting a story to a Canadian writing competition, called "Polar Expressions." This particular competition suited me perfectly, because I was right at the top of the age group, they accept an usually large number of submissions (something like at least 25%), and most importantly it was free to enter. The odds were stacked in my favour.
So I sent the story off early last summer, and just today I heard back from them. They've accepted the story for publication in their annual collection of short stories by young authors, so in just a few months I should have a book with my name in it. There's a chance I might even win a prize,
It's the weirdest thing though; upon hearing the news, I was genuinely excited. Just ten minutes later, though, that excitement seemed to fade, I'm not nearly as thrilled about being published as I thought I was going to be.
Maybe I feel that it doesn't really count, considering the amount of work they accept. Heck, only the top 3 and 10 honourable mentions even get the book for free- everyone else has to pay, which I suppose is how they manage to make money while keeping submission free.
When it boils down to it, I'm glad to be able to say "I'm published," and yet at the same time I can't help but hope that I move on to bigger and better things in the future. Until then, thanks for reading.

-Mark

What I Would Do if I Had Less Free Time

Damn it, summer's over! That brief period of time in which I had absolutely no responsibilities already seems a distant concept. Oh, those days when I could sleep in, when I could read, when I could write long blog posts... They've passed like rain on the mountains, as our good friend Théoden would say.
High school has started, and I'm starting to feel the pressure. Now, I find myself doing more and more things which eat up my free time. It's a bit of a slap in the face, if I'm being honest with you.
Just this week, I had more stuff going on then I could actually do. This past Wednesday, I had three dentist appointments and voice to worry about. This coming Monday will see me not going to running club because I'll be at the school play callback. All of this is being done in an atmosphere ever thickening with homework.
All of this has got me worrying about the year ahead, what with all of the clubs I've dined up for. In the next few months, this is an example of what could very possibly happen on any given week...

The school play- three times a week
Improv Club- at least once a week
Soccer- at least twice a week
Voice- once per week
Archery- Once per week
Cappies, which is a school play review sort of thing- once in this doomsday week
Citadel club, where you see plays as a group- once in this doomsday week
Running for my upcoming half marathon- hopefully three times a week

Yeah. 11 events almost guaranteed, with the possibility of two more being tacked on. Not even including homework. Oh yeah, I'm excited!
What I'm trying to say is, I'll be doing significantly more things this year then I was doing last year. That means that I might struggle to post as much content as I did last year, but I'll do my very best.
Now, I'm literally fighting to keep my eyes open. They're clouding over. That's how I know it's time to catch up on some much-needed sleep.
Thank you so much for reading. Goodnight, and I'll see you later.

-Mark

What I Would do if I Discussed One Pathetically Incorrect Life Philosophy

I had trouble titling this one. There are many pathetically incorrect life philosophies, such as believing yourself better than someone else due to race, sexual orientation, amount of possessions, etc. or perhaps believing that one can survive solely on sunlight like a plant (yes, this philosophy exists - newsflash: people are incapable of photosynthesis). Perhaps I can discuss these another time.

For now, the philosophy on the chopping block is...

That you can "choose" to be happy. 

Don't get me wrong; attitude is important. However, as someone who struggles with severe depression, this idea on so many self-help articles makes my blood boil. Because, frankly, happiness isn't a choice. If it was, do you think I'd be stuffing pills down my throat to keep myself from offing myself? I don't choose depression. No one chooses depression. 

Saying that you can choose to be happy or unhappy is yet another idea that fuels this stigma against mental health. It promotes the idea that depressed people are lazy, attention-seeking, or inherently flawed. 

When I open my mind, I can see what they're trying to say: "Fake it 'til you make it". Positivity will improve situations! And sure, I agree with that, but phrase it a different way. Say to stay open to new experiences and avoid self-fulfilling prophecies. However, frankly, saying you need to "choose to be happy" is pretty insulting. I don't know if it works that way for those of you who don't have depression, but I can think happy thoughts until the cows come home and it's not going to fix my problems. I can say "I'm going to be happy today!", and it will do squat.

Imagine that you're in this trapped in a dark cave. We'll call this cave "depression". Now, let's choose an object for happy thoughts: bubbles! Bubbles are happy! So, every time you think a happy thought, or "decide" to be happy, it sends off a bubble. Does it destroy the stone cave? Hell, no. It just makes you discouraged. That's a pretty obvious metaphor, so I'm hoping even people who have never experienced depression can understand this. And please, don't say that they're different situations. I'm giving you the information of an insider. Blowing bubbles to burst open a rock cave is as pointless as "choosing" to be happy when you have depression.

No, I can't choose to be happy. Stop telling me that I can! It makes me - and I'm sure other depressed people - feel as though I'm even more deficient in some way. However, do try to be positive if you can.

-Laura

What I Would Do if I Slept

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What I Would Do if There was a Swirling Vortex of Fatigue and Work Surrounding me

High school has officially started.
Presently, I'm in the transitional phase between school and vacation. Just now am I starting to realize that now, I'm expected to work again. To do homework. To not have boundless free time.
Let me give you a quick example, which I swear, once again, will be better fleshed out in a coming post. Tomorrow, I have a project in animation due, as well as a math test. The day after, I have no less then three dentist appointments in one day as well as a drama audition. The day after, voice. Only Friday might be free. Factor in all the homework, voice practice, running club, and various other things and you find me pretty busy.
The main change I've noticed so far in high school is that your given a lot more independence. For example, there aren't any announcements at school; you have to figure out when all these meetings are yourself. And it's great in a way, but it's also stressful.
Long story short, I'm worried and exhausted. More then that, I know that Laura's probably doing a lot worse then I am while she's still getting kick-ass posts out. The one tomorrow looks great, as well. Yeah, you heard me. She's actually writing these posts in advance, which blows my mind.
So... yup. I'll do my best to get something worth reading to you Wednesday!

Thanks for struggling through this with me,

-Mark

What I Would Do if I Shamelessly Advertised

Perhaps it's a good thing that I don't plug my own content much, as I'm sure it's incredibly annoying to you just passing by. That said, I might have advertised my other blog once before on What I Would Do, and I feel that if you like my work you should know how to find more of it.
Marks Book Blog is a frankly titled book review site that's incidentally my first and longest-running work. Started in January 2014, I post there exceedingly rarely nowadays. When I do, however, I usually spend at least a few days of unproductive work on a post before sending it out, which hopefully makes it better quality then the majority of items here.
My most recent review is of The Restaurant at the End of the Universe, by Douglas Adams. I'm rather proud of that post, and I'd love to hear what you think of it.
Thanks!

-Mark

What I Would do if my Computer Made me a Raging Monster

Disclaimer: I love my computer.

It's my baby. In a fire, I would save my computer after my family and my cat. So, yeah, this thing is way up the list of loved things in my life, which makes me feel a bit guilty. It's wrong to love an object, right? But it means a lot to me. It was my graduation present in grade twelve. I completed my first full-length novel on it. We have pulled many an all-nighter together working on school work. It has all my photos, my thoughts, my musings, my writing; losing my computer would be like losing an entire record of my life, not to mention hours and hours of work.

However, like all children, my computer can get sick. I think it possibly has computer cancer (I am eternally grateful that my computer is sick rather than my friends or family, though... no disrespect against people with cancer because clearly that sucks 9 999 999 999 999 999 999% more than a sick computer). Anyway, about every ten minutes, my computer crashes. This means that getting work done has been tough.

I already took it to one hospital - I mean, repair shop. They failed to properly diagnose it. I don't understand how, when it crashes every ten minutes, but they tried their best. The point is, my poor baby now needs to go see another specialist, and I'm crossing my fingers. Replacing this baby would be a very sad thing. I'm hoping she can be saved, but it seems likely that it's the RAM drive. In other words, for a computer, terminal cancer. Here's hoping I can figure out how to back this baby up.

In short, I'm extremely frustrated, and I hope this is resolved soon. In the meantime, at least Mark is a superhero (see my last post for details). ;)

Cheers,

-Laura

What I Would Do if I Was Happy to be a Superhero

Laura, that was very kind of you to hold off my punishments. I'm sure that when you're next feeling ticked at me you'll release the river of punishment, but until then I want to thank you.
Now, I must admit that this is a rather lazy post. Today was my first day in that terrifying abyss known as high school, and because of that I'm now feeling rather worn out. It doesn't help that I got only 2/3rds of my usual sleep last night, and that I now find myself with a nasty cold.
Long story short, I've got a lot of things on my mind. I tried to write a post all about my first day, but my mind kept wandering off. Besides, I'm not even sure how much I should share with you guys. Sorry, Russian Robots.
Perhaps I just need time to think. There was one rather exciting part in my day, though, which I want to share with you now.
I think you ought to know one thing; I'm now in a creative writing/publishing class! With any luck at all, that'll help me bring you people better content in the near future. I'm sure it will.
Walking into that room, it was like I'd found a precursor to paradise. Dozens of book posters adorned the walls, all sorts of quotes from various books. It was wonderful.
The people in the room were all diverse and interesting. To give yo an example of the quirkiness, in a class of about twenty people five or six are already distinct in my mind. There's someone who kept pretentiously talking about Shakespeare, another who had rock-bottom self confidence, one person who I think was a guy but may have been trans or at least gay, someone else who claimed that they could read five pages a minute... it was fascinating.
Then, there was the teacher. Not only did he have an epic name, but he was engaging and funny and seemed to know what he was talking about. After stalking him on the internet, I found out that he edits two writing magazines and has taught at Concordia university. This guy knows what he's talking about.
I do believe that'll be a good class.
I'm sorry, people. I'm super tired at the moment, not quite myself. I'm just going to cut this off here and call it a night.

Thanks for reading,

-Mark

What I Would do if Mark were a Superhero

Do you see this guy? 

Yeah, the adorable one with the ice cream. 

What a champ.

Unfortunately, I have had major troubles with my laptop lately, which means that I haven't been able to post. It has spent over a week in the repair shop and is going back to a different one tomorrow, which means that poor Mark has been working overtime covering for me. 

On the plus side, he's probably becoming mega-great at bullshitting - cough, cough - I mean, writing. 

So, if Mark were a superhero, I would:

1. Write a post in his honour.

2. Eliminate his remaining punishments (for now). 

3. Owe him a big hot chocolate and cookie. 

Way to go, Mark! Three cheers.

-Laura

Laura, you get to punish me.

Well, congratulations Laura- you can now have some revenge for all those punishments lined up for you. There've been a few times over the last week or two where I haven't posted, and now I suppose it's time to feel your wrath.
Now, seeing as you'll have read the posts I made while you were gone I won't go into too much detail about the missed ones. I used a part of one post to defend myself, and I'll let that post do the talking for now.
As for the other times, let me just say this; twice this week I was at energy-draining sleepovers. Another time I could've posted, but I wanted to make my post the best it could be before sending it out. Yesterday, I figured that you'd have your computer back- and indeed, if not yesterday you could've posted today.
What I'm saying, Laura, is this.
I've had a lot of posts to make and a few valid excuses as to why I couldn't.
Also, have mercy on me.

-Mark

What I Would Do if I Was a Zombie

Old school What I Would Do post, where I actually speculate about some scenario instead of recounting events that've already happened to me! I'm so proud of myself.
We've done a few Zombie Apocalypse-themed posts here at What I Would Do - you can read them here and here  - but those explored the much wrung-out idea of how we'd survive the apocalypse. Today, I'm afraid that we're assuming my brilliant plan has failed. I started cycling north, my tire popped, I was out of ammo, and in a heroic battle I took out approximately zero zombies before being bitten. Thus, I find myself wandering the streets of some abandoned town searching for human flesh.
As a zombie, the first thing I'd have to accept would be that I was gonna be pretty gross looking and smelling from then on. I'd be covered in blood, my clothes would be in shreds, and I'd start to rot excruciatingly slowly over months and years. Don't you know that zombies can take years to rot? Read The Zombie Survival Guide, jeez. Newbs.
Can you imagine the phycological effects of that, though? Seeing yourself slowly waste away would surely traumatize any zombie. They have to come to accept, I imagine, that there lives are a sand timer perpetually draining away. I have a tough enough time grappling with how fleeting our existence is as a fifteen year old- as a zombie, it would be mental torture.
That said, I'd have other things occupying my thoughts. My continual search for human meat would be a nearly impenetrable obstacle in my search for zombie happiness. I imagine that the zombies' search for humans is like an overpowering drug; I could perhaps restrain myself for a short time if I had immense willpower, but every so often I'd cave and binge-eat people. Afterwards, whatever scrap of morality I had remaining would protest and perhaps even restrain me for a short time. My zombie instincts would almost certainly triumph in the end, though, and I'd sink into self-loathing and misery.
Realistically, I feel that I wouldn't last too long as a zombie. As humans were whittled down to only those who knew how to fight, my addiction to their flesh may well prove deadly. Thus, my tragic zombie life would end miserably, putting an end to my struggle to find my place in the universe as a member of the walking dead. You could say I'd have a rotten life.
...
Okay, now that I've ruined the whole post with that pun, thanks for reading!

-Mark

Post script; Good news! Laura should be back in a day or two!

Outtakes

I originally spelled "outtakes" "outakes." Sigh.

The 7-word segment "Read The Zombie Survival Guide, jeez. Newbs." Took much longer then it should have for me to write. It required no less then two trips to Urban Dictionary. First, I wasn't sure how one properly spells "jeez." I started with "jes" before moving onto "jezz"  until I eventually googled "jes expression." Finally, Urban Dictionary saved the day. Then, it again saved me when I looked up "noobs," curious as to what the definition would be. I was greeted with a really extremely well written guide on how to define, spot, and avoid noobs with 23 599 (23 600 now) up-votes. There I learned that there is in fact a difference between "noob" and "newb," being that both are novice players but that the latter has a willingness to learn while the former is a lazy person who expects others to do the work for them. I gave you the benefit of the doubt and called you "newbs." See how much I care about you guys?