Okay, winter, listen up.
Up here in Canada it's said that it snows every day, and that everyone lives in igloos. it's said that we ride our polar bears to school and that every day, another ten feet of snow falls to blanket our barren country, so much so that our igloos are hundreds of meters high. And although this is not even close to the truth, let me tell you, winter... you're not holding up your side of the bargain.
Today, me and my dad went for a short hike outside. And you know what? I wouldn't have minded if there were piles upon piles of snow to plow through. I wouldn't have minded it being -20 degrees or so. Because I like the snow. But you couldn't have given me even that, could you have? Instead, you gave me ice.
Really, Winter? Instead of lovely flurries with a chill in the air, you gave me a semi-warm, snowless trail. You still wanted to leave your mark on the trail, though, and so you gave me ice. Lots and lots of ice. I don't think that you've ever had to do this, because you're a season, but let me tell you that hiking up any hill covered in ice is hard.
Winter, I'll tell it to you straight. I don't like ice. I don't like hockey anyway. I do, however, like snow and the season of winter, so I'll try not to be too hard on you here. Let me just give you some advice.
1. Stay cold all through the winter. No more of this freezing and thawing.
2. If you're going to turn water into ice, then don't become warm enough so as to melt snow. Let humans spray the water if they want ice.
3. Make snow slightly sticky, please. Only slightly sticky, mind, as super-stickable snow=water=ice.
4. If you're going to snow, do one of two things. Either snow very lightly, so that it looks nice for a while but doesn't require shovelling, or empty the sky of all moisture so that school is cancelled.
Is that fair, winter? All I'm asking is four little things from you. Please. For me.
Thanks for reading, and thanks for being awesome. You are a pretty cool season, after all.
Sincerely,
-Mark
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