Hello! And welcome to The Spontaneous Post!!
*audience applause*
On the agenda for today is the discussion of Clarence's sanity; does one truly have a brain if one does not appreciate Quest for Camelot, a cinematic masterpiece?
*crowd boos Clarence*
The answer to this query is a hearty YES! One does truly have a brain, and furthermore, possesses a keen sense of artistic taste and excellent critical skills.
*audience nods in agreement, swayed by the conviction of the Truth*
*audience keels over and dies from stupidity. There will be no further comments from them, because they're dead. From stupidity.*
Clearly not! Who can fault a movie with a sexy, muscled, grey-eyed, blind, hermit of sexiness? Or a movie with a soundtrack that is repeatedly stolen (with random-ass fat tenors inserted, singing in Italian)? Or a good old-fashioned adventure story with a lively heroine (girl-power!!)? Or a villain with strong eyebrow game? Or an awesome, adorable bird? Or a villain that raps and uses the word "peachy"? This movie is a cinematic masterpiece. Perhaps a second viewing or a new brain is needed.
Quite obviously, anyone with any sense can fault this movie. The hermit is hardly allotted even minimal character development, he is totally faking being blind, and furthermore is UGLY. The "soundtrack" that is "stolen" is in fact one good song (The Prayer) which is vastly improved by being removed from its heinous cinematic context. It may be an "old-fashioned adventure story," but it is not "good" as it brings nothing new to the table of good old-fashioned adventure stories- save a new level of awfulness. While I am all for girl power, this anatomically impossible heroine is not lively but simply lucky to have survived multiple near death instances, and has poor taste in men to boot. The villain is disdainful, the bird gratuitous, and a second viewing would ensure the death of my highly-functioning brain.
*audience resurrects in order to cheer for the voice of reason*
However, Claire turned out to be quite wrong. United we Stand and Looking Through Your Eyes were both songs of great musical merit. The second is perhaps the most beautiful love duet of all time (and also has parts stolen and added to The Prayer). The hermit does develop, and even makes a mullet sexy. How many people do we know who can do that? He goes from a cynical loner to someone with a quiet self-confidence, allowing him to save Camelot and get the girl of his dreams. He has a bird and a stick that help him with his blindness and also clearly has a lot of practice dealing with this disability to the point where it no longer hinders him. He is an A-class example of a hero who is not cookie-cutter perfect, but instead conquers a disability and doesn't allow it to hinder him. The heroine goes through losing her father and her mother (along with other countless emotional traumas) to become a heroine, finding love along the way. She discovers the true meaning of heroism through her blind, sexy companion! In other words, she discovers that heroism isn't cookie-cutter perfect, either. It's an awesome movie.
*The resurrected audience cheers in agreement, fully converted to the correct side regardless of their previously fickle nature*
AKA
Laura wins.
-Laura and Claire
*the audience's false convictions lead to their death and turn them into an army of zombies. They turn on Laura for her false preaching, and destroy her sans remorse.*
- Claire
*Disregard the above lies belonging to Claire*
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