What I Would do if I Caught the Person who Leaves Nail Clippings in the Practice Rooms

It all started in September or October.

I was practicing in the practice rooms in the deep, dark basement that is kept creepily under lock and key and occasionally has rats die in the lockers (true story). Singing is a strange thing that often involves physical exercises to strengthen certain abdominal muscles, which often involves sitting on the floor. Imagine my disgust, then, when I looked to the side and saw a scattering of nails next to my head. I made my worries known to the other music students, and assumed that was the end.

Then, today, I was practicing in a different room when, lo and behold, there were nails next to the piano bench, pushed into the corners (yes, that really helps, thank you), and just all around. Seriously, who does that?! Why would you not take care of personal grooming at home?!

Exhibit B:

Super gross, right?

Anyway, on that note, and also because I have horrible cramps that are turning me into a mega-monster-bitch-thing, I just have to write what I would do to the culprit:

1. Force them to do exercises with their hair sitting in a pile of nails. Or, you know, have them walk over them in sock or bare feet. Just so they can realize how disgusting this is. 

2. Have a very long talk with them about what is and is not appropriate to do in the practice rooms. If they have bad anxiety and are biting their nails, fine. I can sympathize. However, it's only respectful to the next musician or custodial staff member in the room to throw out the nails afterwards.

3. On that note, I would have them repeat the short walk from the practice room to the garbage can in the hall for an hour. Running. No breaks. 

4. I would have them pick up each and every nail from that floor and put it in that garbage can. 

5. I would have them write a formal apology to all of us. 

6. I would force them to endure hour long lessons about logic, respect, and personal hygiene each week. And maybe have a serious talk with their parents for not enforcing these lessons during their childhood.

I was thinking of exposing them to the rest of the world, but that seems too cruel. I feel cruel enough saying this, actually. I would probably just ask them nicely to stop, but it's nice to dream. Besides, asking them nicely may still result in a boiling volcano of rage in my gut. Seriously, who does this?! And what possesses them to do it?

Sorry, end of my rant. Long story short, throw out your goddamn finger (or toe) nails.

-Laura