Merry Christmas everyone!
I hope that y'all are sitting on the couch right now, stomach full from a huge (but guilt-free) supper and piles of presents surrounding you. Today is a good day.
Speaking of movies; me, my sisters and my dad all went out to see the last Hobbit movie a few days ago. It was terrible. Imagine people dying and being resurrected, people running up rocks that, even as they run on them, are in a free-fall into an abyss, some of the only people that we actually give a shit about dying off, plus never-ending, overly dramatic action sequences, and random, not-funny attempts at humour thrown into what we thought was supposed to be a serious movie. That's just a taste of the horrors that we found within that theatre. I'm not even going to mention giant worms popping out of the ground, writhing around on a hill, and then disappearing into the ground, never to be heard from again. I won't tell you the story of when four dwarves were attacked by 100 freaking goblins. I wouldn't put you throughout the pain of learning that two of those dwarves turned around, said "we'll take care of them," and then singlehandedly slaughtered fifty of them each in time for the next scene. I won't even make it worse by saying that when a single boss-level orc comes along suddenly the dwarves can't fight anymore. I won't even... (sigh). I truly won't put you through that.
Anyways, that's just my long-winded way of saying that the movie got me thinking about the middle-earthian creatures. Particularly elves. Now, there are many good things about elves. They seem practically invincible, for one. And so I was wondering, what would I do if I was an immortal Elf in "The Lord of the Rings?"
1. I'd surround myself by 100 bodyguards who would follow me around wherever I went. I could potentially live thousands upon thousands of years, right? I wouldn't want to die due to somebody killing me.
2. On the same wavelength as before, I would train myself and all those around me in fighting and healing. Fighting so that I can protect myself, healing so that someone can save me if I fail at doing so.
3. One potential problem I can see with living so long is that I might get bored. Also, in stories you hear tell of people who go insane after living too long. To counteract this, I'll take up intellectual pursuits such as chess, or crossword puzzles, or, those funky metal puzzly things. You know what I'm talking about, right?
These items will not only stave of boredom, but they'll also keep my mind sharp. Hopefully.
4. I'd pick one skill, and devote myself to mastering it. I'd be pretty damn good at magic tricks after ten thousand years, let me tell you.
5. I'd also do a little charity work on the side. I could last until the end of time; might as well help out my poor human and dwarf friends so that their petty lifespans were happy. Maybe I could also help rehabilitate remorseful orcs. Besides, as Saruman said in the movies, "They were elves, once."
6. I'd go to that funky land over the sea when I needed a vacation. Excuse me if my Tolkien knowledge is mostly limited to the movies (I swear, Lord of the Rings is my thing even if I don't know all the lore), but isn't the land across the sea sort of like the land of the gods? A paradise? I think so. I'd sail to para, para, paradise, whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh, ohohoh.
when he was a small elfling,
he wanted to be kiiiiing
so he went across the seeeea
hoping for happiness for freeeee
(went) to the un-die, un-die, dying lands
(went) to the un-die, un-die, dying lands
whooooaaaaaa.
I'll stop singing now.
Anyways, it would be cool to be an elf. Sure, they can seem sort of snobby and superior, but they are the coolest people this side of Gondor. I'd trade my ears for pointy ones any day.
Thanks for reading,
-Mark
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