What I Would I Would Do if I was an Orc in The Lord of the Rings

After that insanely long post two days back, I figured that I could use a more lighthearted post to cool down. Before we dive into it, though, I'd encourage you to check out What I Would Do if I Listed my Top 15 Green Day Songs. I worked for two days straight on that post, and I'm quite proud of it.
Way back in December I made the post What I Would Do if I was an Elf in The Lord of the Rings. Now, I thought I'd turn the tables and do What I Would Do if I was an Orc in The Lord of the Rings. 
I've always felt sorry for the orcs. The original orcs were once elves, or so it's said, who were tortured and mutilated to create the twisted orc creature. That right there seems like a huge tragedy to me. Elves seem pretty awesome; who could be so mean as to take them away from their happy little elf homes? No wonder everyone hates Sauron so much, if he's that mean.
Still, it seems to me like orcs could potentially live happy lives if they didn't have to work for a dark lord. They might still live for thousands of years due to their elf blood, they could get rid of their violent tendencies through therapy, and then they'd be changed orcs! If I was in their position, this is what I'd do.

• Take a bath. Orcs always seem to be portrayed as vile and grimy, which I feel would be a health hazard. Disease must run rampant in orc colonies. Therefore, I'd be sure to always keep my personal hygiene up so as to avoid disease and encourage cleanliness among my peers.
• Attend countless counselling sessions. Clearly, orcs are brainwashed into believing that it's their duty to kill, just as me and you are brainwashed to believe that it's our duty to protect those around us. I personally prefer the non-killing mindset, and so would try to find a good therapist.
• Once I felt that the time was right, I'd try to leave Mordor and find my way to some civilized place. I think I'd try for Rohan first. Everyone else would, I feel, try to kill me. The elves seem like the types who'd never trust that a former enemy wouldn't betray them, and so would kill even the friendliest orc on site. Dwarves would be too hard to track down, while the Gondor people seem prone to violence even when there's no need. Therefore, I'd try to go to Rohan. Rohanians seem nobel and civilized, and so might give a lonely orc a chance if he was clean, friendly and weaponless.
• If I could make it into Rohan, then I'd spend the rest of my life living among the forces of good in Middle Earth. Perhaps the elves would let me into my ancestor's homeland eventually, but if not then I'm sure I could find permanent residence in the land of the horse lords. 
• Now comes the important question I alluded to earlier. Because the original orcs were elves, would orcs live for thousands of years as well? If so, then everything I said in What I Would Do if I was an Elf in The Lord of the Rings applies. If not, then I would be content to die as the orc who changed.

Thanks for reading,

-Mark