All throughout my public school education, there were many teachers that I would look at with admiration, not because they were good at their job, but because they managed to get a job in the first place when they were insane, idiotic, or just not good with kids or teens.
Among the worst teachers I've had, I've had teachers who:
a) Hit people who were late to class with a rubber chicken, drank cough syrup, encouraged us to go out onto the streets naked and holding a sandwich board in protest for a good mark on an assignment, judo-flipped a student who surprised her, poured white powder all over my friend's stuff, tried to teach us to write an essay using "Mr. Essay Man" although we were in high school, imitating other teachers behind their backs and strongly hinted that they should retire to make room for new teachers (when they were clearly amazing at their jobs), etc.
b) Claimed to be fluent in French, yet relied on google translate and pronounced French words in the following ways: "montagne" - Mon-TANG, "piscine" = Piss-in, petite = peu-TIT, etc. She also called one student a giraffe just because she didn't like him and another student stupid. The thing that really made my blood boil, though, was that she regularly picked on a mildly autistic boy.
c) A teacher who called us all "dweebs", told us to "get a life", once called a student a bitch to her face, and yelled at us for doing something as simple as looking out a window.
The list could go on. The point being that while there are many teachers who I love and admire to this day, there are also teachers who I would hate to ever run into again simply because the memories of them still make me angry and a little bit scared.
This is what I would do to them if I could:
1. Put a hidden camera or other recording device in the classroom to record an average class with them. Then I would want to send it to an authority figure who could take the appropriate action based on their teaching abilities and/or inappropriate personalities. This would be my top priority... these things are so inappropriate and how these people have jobs while other good teachers don't absolutely blows my mind.
2. Force them to go through everything they put us through: keep them in a tiny desk all day while we shouted verbal abuse at them, and give them enough homework that they're regularly up until all hours of the morning.
3. Put a bucket of water above their door that fell on them when they opened it.
4. Fill their whiteboard markers with something that would cause them to explode, shooting ink all over them.
5. Trash the classroom thoroughly, including graffiti, toilet paper, food spills, broken desks, chairs, and windows, etc.
6. Have a speaker play loud noises at opportune moments (i.e. the beginning of Beethoven's fifths, screaming, cymbal crashes, etc).
7. Hire a student to run through the classroom screaming before grabbing onto the teacher for dear life (preferably in a hug). And just stay there until the teacher managed to extricate him or herself.
8. Throw my desk and chair across the room and just leave dramatically, preferably while telling them exactly what I thought of them for a long and impassioned speech that would cause them to rethink their life choices and regret how cruel they were to their students (seriously, do they not remember what it feels like to be young or alone or lost? Words hurt. So do rubber chickens.)
Of course, I wouldn't ever really do something this mean, but that's the fun of this blog. It's nice to dream.
-Laura
No comments:
Post a Comment