What I Would Do to People who Hurt Me

Alright. This is one blog post where I'm actually going to push aside my conscience and talk about what Evil Laura would like to do.

Usually, when people say rude comments to me, I always calm myself down by thinking that I need to feel sorry for them. They can't be very happy people if they perpetually hurt other people to make themselves feel better. It's really, really hard, though. If I didn't care about peoples' feelings so much, this is what I would do to these bullies:

1. Call them out on what they're doing. Seriously, I would LOVE to be able to say something like "I would really appreciate it if you'd stop being so rude". However, that's more than a little passive aggressive so I always tuck that tidbit into my head.

2. Explain why what they're doing is wrong (although these people often seem unable to grasp that concept if they're doing it in the first place) and correct them if they're saying something ridiculous.

3. Leave. There are some situations where you have no choice but to suffer through being hurt. How nice would it be to be able to just walk out, though? I definitely have fantasies of a dramatic exit in which I don't give a ****.

4. Tell them what I actually think of them. So tempting, right?

5. Throw something at them, like an eraser or a bucket of water.

6. Expose them to the world. (Look at this guy. You think he's nice? Yeah, actually...)

7. Give them a timeout. When you're a kid, you get punished for being naughty. Should that really change if you're an adult? Sure, there's jail for the really bad stuff, but what about things that are technically legal? Insults, scathing comments, mentally abusive relationships... TIME OUT!

8. Give them a taste of their own medicine. Sit them down and yell insults at them and see if they like it.

9. Give them a nice, swift, punch in the face.

I'm sure there are many more, but I'll stop there in case I'm arrested myself on suspicion of being violent and cruel. I swear I'm not. I just need to dream sometimes to keep myself patient with people who hurt me so that I can continue to withstand being their emotional punching bag. Yes, I would never do this, but is it fun to imagine? Hell, yeah.

-Laura