What I Would do to Horribly Mean People

There are some very lovely people in this world.

Unfortunately, there are also some downright horrible people in this world. You hear about them; they're the sort who hurt black cats on Halloween for fun, or yell at children, or take out their anger at life on everyone else. Sometimes people have redeeming qualities. Other times, all you can see if how miserable they make the rest of the world and how they don't care. And you just wait for this beautiful thing called karma to come into play and give them what they deserve.

Well, sometimes karma isn't all it's cracked up to be.

If I could legally do this (assuming that these people really had no redeeming qualities) this is what I would do:

1. I would bake them a giant cake with sprinkles and leave it with balloons on their doorstep with a card that said how much I loved them.

2. If they were still mean, I would give them giant hugs.

3. I would give them coffee and ask them to talk about it.

4. If, by this point, they still had no redeeming qualities, proceed as follows:

a) get some beautiful coloured paint and sharpies, then proceed to decorate all home windows and their car, drawing all manners of happy things (and perhaps a warning to stay out of their way or else to give them hugs).

b) knit them a sweater and embroider the words "hug me" on it.

c) put animal excrement in their garbage cans outside of garbage bags. Pretty annoying.

d) leave them an extremely vicious feral cat to either become best friends due to similar natures or else to make each other miserable instead of the rest of the world.

e) plant pretty flowers in their front garden.

f) play happy music on repeat from a hidden speaker.

g) replace their movie collection with comedies.

h) buy them fuzzy blankets, fuzzy socks, and bubble bath.

i) fill the entire house with balloons that go spilling out when you open the door.

*warning: if you proceed with these, you will likely need a large budget and also a good lawyer to deal with charges of breaking and entering.

Oh dear. I really meant to make this a horrible list (like smashing windows and stuff, but I pictured the meanest person I knew and all I could do was feel sorry for them. However, if you're into the whole revenge thing, feel free to go that route instead of my fluffy santa claus route.

What would you do?